Long lost post

I have not meant to be away so long, but my posts keep getting eaten by my computer. ugh. So many thoughts lost in the mbs and kbs of my hard drive. Some things I have forgotten but some things don’t go away after they are erased.
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I’ve been thinking quite alot about worship, prayer and the productivity of both. My awesome birthday present from bro-in-law Nate of $50 itunes credit has kept me searching for what is worthy to purchase. I fulfilled my longing for the Ryan Adams Cold Roses and Coldplay’s XY(this is cool BTW). I found the tracks of Life Aquatic that must be had. Love Seu Jorge singing Bowie. I downloaded Rita Springer singing In Christ Alone. I need that song I’ve been craving it like Cadbury. Ever since Kirk and Sarah’s wedding. Her version has Nothing But the Blood at the end. Nice. I’m hoping to get Josiah singing it before too long.
Joel and I have had a not so comfortable email exchange that leave us thinking. Why is finding a good fellowship, a good church bond so hard? Why do we feel like it is such hard work? Because even men of God are sinners. Because even in the church you compare yourself, you guilt yourself. Even in church where grace is preached so readily, why do we feel like we are in a job interview waiting to get the boot? I wanted to paint during worship today, but I was feeling the coldness again that I ponder over and over if it’s my fault.
My next artistic endevor must be accompanied by worship music in my ears, so my itunes credit searches for a new song, a new series. We feel so obviously that we are doing what God wants us to do. We are at church from 10:30 to 1. We have a full days work then I go to school, and Joel does daddy-time on Mondays until 9:30pm. We do it all over again on Tuesday and Wednesday. Are we required to drag our kids out on Thursday, Friday and Saturday to minister, evangelize, pray and worship in one building with one group of people instead of resting from our obvious destiny God has laid before us? We begin to long for the ease of VSN again. Like going backwards. It’s like we’re being scolded by prophetic words. We pray for wisdom that we will listen to what God is telling our hearts and not what a list of announcements is telling us. Being part of the Body is so hard. I feel like the tip of the toe that has gone numb from circulation running to the center and not to the extremities. Maybe Trinity needs to get a visit from the Knoootersons.
In lighter happier mama news: Josiah has been so imaginative lately.


The dogwood tree in our front yard has been the favorite place for Josiah to hang after we get home from errands. “Mama, can I be a gorilla in the jungle?” He asks me. “Do you want lunch little Gorilla?” I ask him as he steps up on the lower branches. “What do gorilla’s eat Josiah?” “Banana’s!!” He growls.
Kroger was giving away Halloween balloons this past week and the cashier asked Josiah if he wanted a balloon. “Can I have a lollipop?” he asked first. I gave a knowing nod to the cashier to get the balloon instead. She brings him a huge candy corn balloon with a smily face on it. “OOOO!” Josiah says “Football! In football you do a TOUCHDOWN!” None of us could figure out what he was saying right away. Then when we got out to the car I asked Josiah what the balloon was again, “It’s a Gourd!” I found that answer much more satisfying. So we now have a gourd balloon hanging out on our ceiling.
For Isaac Perkins costume birthday party I dressed Josiah up as a Rock Star. Complete with studded belt, spiked hair, tattoos and 5 o’clock shadow. I made him a V guitar out of lattice scraps and cardboard. Sorry, my camera’s broken again, no pictures. I got him some shades as well. He was so jazzed. He stood in front of my mirror rockin’ out before we left. Ms. Lynn remembered Josiah at an after Halloween sale and got Jos a 42″ inflatble guitar. He took a bath with it last night. In a moment of guitar bliss he tried to go down the stairs this morning with both guitars in tow. Whatta wipe out. Poor Buddy, he’s got a mean bruise on his back. As Lynn’s friend Sylvia said, “You’re in little kid hell right now” this referring to the safety of an almost 3 year old bopping up and down the stairs to the nervousness of every parent.
Eden was a butterfly. I found antennae el-cheapo at Gymboree and I made her some wings. Holy Smokes she was cute. Again no pictures. Canon will feel my wrath later this week.

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One thought on “Long lost post

  1. I understand the difficulty of finding a home-church. I left my wonderful church family in Texas a few years ago. It took me four just to find a place I could stand.
    What I realized: we’re so much more forgiving of the flaws of a church when it’s OURS. Just deciding on a place, becoming a part of it, getting to know its members as individuals – suddenly you understand more and can be happy there.
    I had a professor once who told me that we needed to pray “where do You want me?”. It could be that the church with the crappy music needs us to play. Or paint…
    I enjoy you.

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