Brutal Self Portrait Tuesday

headshot2 copy.JPG
This is one of my artist headshots in front of Seated Nude. Here’s me, this is my face. I sometimes get sick of looking at it. Especially when I have a bad hair cut (I cut it myself) or my skin is giving me a challenge of somekind. May’s SPT is introductions.
One thing about me that I’ve been battling is my pediatrician. Not that my kids have anything wrong with them, or that I go very often at all, but I hate going to my kids doctor. I have free healthcare, therefore I have to pay in time, inconvienience and an impersonal atmosphere. But as a Christian who cares not just about people, my children, the pollution of food and the over-medication of healthy people, I have a problem with being over treated. Many of my friends choose to not vaccinate their children. I do not have the strong convictions that they do. See, many years ago Jesus saved me from much bitterness and fear. To me they went hand and hand. In my decisions about vaccines I can’t succome to my fear and that’s all it would be, for me. I still battle it every day, but I remember my freedom and decide to continue to live free. Something about the vaccines though make me feel uncomfortable. I am not into studying and reading and searching for an unbias source, because in my mind there can’t be! the drug companies are very powerful and everyone is hungry for money. It grieved me when I went to my midwives office and almost every item there had a drug company’s name on it and I had a hard time getting MY form of birth control which was NOT a hormone form. I am balancing between the stubborness against “normal” childhood care (vaccines, flouride drops, vitamin D supplement, some or all formula, too much juice, too many toys, too much TV, daycare, fast food, prepared food with high fructose corn syrup…sigh) and the exhaustion of being on a high horse. I give my son juice, my kids have cookies occasionally, TV everyday, formula with cereal or with a sitter, and they are vaccinated.
Today in my probably hormonal weakness I welled up and cried as my baby girl got an MMR, pneumococcal, and varicella. I hate that I know of two instances of mumps and measeles in Atlanta. I don’t like drugs, but I also believe that without them we would have similar problems to many countries that are much poorer. How many mothers in these destitute places would give anything for their children to be free from simple diseases? I want my kids to have every opportunity. I want entry into schools to be as flawless as possible, I want travel to be less worrisome, I want them to not remember that pain. Most of all I am like all of Creation that groans for their Creator. With the world so imperfect I cry because my spirit longs for the day that Christ returns and takes away all pain, sorrow and sickness.
When my kids are testy and fussy at lunchtime I like to launch into a spiritual that I learned at church growing up:
We won’t have to cry no more, when Jesus comes!
We won’t have to cry no more, when Jesus comes!
We won’t have to cry no more, when Jesus comes,
No more trouble in the land, trouble in the land!
I’m gonna SHOUT all my troubles are over, when Jesus comes!
I’m gonna SHOUT all my troubles are over, when Jesus comes!
I’m gonna SHOUT all my troubles are over, when Jesus comes,
No more trouble in the land, trouble in the land.

That’s a good bit about me, and maybe not intro material, but as I get older I’m less and less about small talk.


5 thoughts on “Brutal Self Portrait Tuesday

  1. wow! you’re writing about another type of drug use, interesting! you are totally right on about drug company’s having their names on everything, BIG COMPANIES, BIG MONEY, BIG POWER! it scares me to think about treatment vs. non treatment whether in the face of having children or in cases of co morbidity, mental illness, et cetera. but is i am so thankful for god’s promise of heaven, really i am! i was moaning/groaning the same facts in my last post. geez! have peace kate.

  2. Gypsy

    I have really struggled with the issue of vaccines also and still am. I’ve done a lot of my crying just doing the research. I’m a person who goes more on individual horror stories rather than broad statistics. I’m trying not to do that as much, especially with this particular research but I still run across them. I’m in the middle of making certain decisions and dealing with a lot of fear. In the meantime Jack gets the vaccines not bunched together but spread out over a couple appointments. The fear is a big hurdle for me, I’m driving myself crazy and I plan to see a counselor in Germany. It’s encouraging to hear how you’ve been released of it even though you still battle it at times.

  3. Yea, I’ve thought of that, too. Though, I must say, I tend to come down in favor of vaccs, but only administered properly! My ped gives one shot at a time, period. My pediatrician is a crazy, old lady who can’t hear you in the phone when you call her, but she’s got her head on straight. One shot in one arm. So we were going to get a shot every month for awhile there, but Ellis had no bad reactions, not even a fever. So after that experience, I started to feel a little more comfortable. That, and hearing about so many illnesses that still today cripple children into hearing loss. And, we also have to remember, as you point out, that it is actually a blessing and privelege to have the CHOICE to vaccinate, that we live in a country so free of disease, that it is actually a viable option.
    Overall, though, I have a general distrust for how many drugs our society tells us we need…or my kid needs. Same ped always tells me to give Tylenol to him after he gets a shot, but I look at him and think, “why? he’s not sick, he doesn’t have a fever.” I have relatives that are always popping meds…and they’re always sick. Where I think a healthier lifestyle would ameliorate that. Have a headache? think about why: dehydration? caffeine? before popping Advil! (though sometimes Advil is our friend) Nothing like being pregnant to teach me to listen to my body and respond in non-drug ways. 🙂
    I shudder looking at all those commercials scaring people into thinking they are deathly ill and need all those meds. Big, bad drug companies!!
    (Sorry, this is kind of rambly and sort of relevant…it’s just that we were having hte same conversation the other day…)

  4. i love your lack of small talk. what a wonderful post. thanks for sharing who you are, your fears, and where you find your peace. i love how you relate your struggle for creation’s longing for the return of it’s creator and redeemer! wonderful.

Comments are closed.