What to do? What to do?

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We sit down to dinner tonight, which is the traditional pancakes, and Dad brings up how he is willing to make Josiah’s breakfast in the morning. I told him that unless someone is sitting with Josiah eating he’ll just mill around anyway. So Dad said he’ll just turn on the TV for Josiah until we’re up and moving. Which isn’t very long. Dad said,”It’s not Sesame Street that’s on, it’s some cartoon, ya know, where the animals talk.” I just lost it, so funny. Silly Grandpa Jim.
We went down to Marietta this weekend. Joel was training his replacement and we did some Christmas shopping. The kids did have a melt down when we first got there. Josiah wanted his other pillow, he talked about being afraid of the dark, he was unhappy in general. He had fallen asleep in the car and did not want to be awake at all. Poor Buddy, it makes me sad to hear him cry. These kids don’t know how to react to upheaval.
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We did got to our favorite Thrift Store on Saturday!! Yeah!! I found a mini white Christmas tree, a whole bag of colorful zippers, three cardigans for me me me, tap shoes for Eden for Christmas and these rockin’ big star glasses. can’t go wrong with those! I must say, its easy to shop in Marietta. I kinda miss that.
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My recent dilema, the thing that is awkward for Joel and I to talk about is me getting a job. He has been suggesting it on and off since Josiah was of a managable age. It’s not that I have refused, it just never seems worth it because I have no great job experience. Its never worth it for me to work and pay someone to watch the kids. I admire anyone who can work until 1-2am waiting tables, on their feet, coming home smelling like everything you’ve served that night. That takes a lot, and I’m trying to wrap my head around doing that. Because that would be the only job that would be worth while, financially. I have been kid-swapping in order to work a day job, and though that wasn’t terrible, Lu-Lu is very cute isn’t she! It’s really exhausting though to not have an everyday pattern thats consistent. And again there is financially the reasons for it all. Joel is at the point where he would rather work 2 jobs himself than ask me yet again to get a job. I wish he wouldn’t give up on me. If it weren’t for him I would never show my artwork, ever. I don’t want to be a disappointing wife. I want to uplift my husband and help him to work less. The kids suffer when they are babysat so much, and we do need extra money. I do not mind working, its fun to escape for a while, but I pay for it big time with crankiness, clinginess, tantrums and fighting. I need a real solution. Tutoring in art will pay a smidge but not enough, unless I had a whole class paying $25 an hour. I can make excuses all day and that doesn’t help us, what will help is for my motivation to come back and to get an evening job.

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One thought on “What to do? What to do?

  1. jerah

    wow, that’s a hard one. it’s so hard to picture your kid spending their whole day with someone else… we’re really lucky that i can work and afford to have matt stay at home all the time. but then, i always feel guilty leaving them both in the morning… i know quite a few people who have to do the daycare/babysitter thing, and it’s hard.
    but: p stays home by himself with matt, and thanks to his horrendous sleeping problems, he HAS to take his naps at home, so there are very few outings during the day, so he doesn’t hang out with other kids too much. and his friends who go to daycare get so much more social time, which is so great for them… and then there’s the issue of matt being stuck at home and bored all the time, which i ALSO feel guilty about. sigh.
    whatever you guys decide works for you will be the best decision, without a doubt. keep us posted, yo.

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