It’s a pity to be so blue

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What a beautiful day it is here in the Southeast! The weather is just amazing, crisp, sunny, happy. I am just none of those things today. Ever since last week when I helped at Josiah’s Pre-K I’ve been battling these feelings about what to do. Josiah had a tough day at school again this week and I’m the one upset, not him. Josiah came home and told me that his teacher had to put him in time-out because he was throwing things. I really really hesitate to put this out there. But it is just so discouraging to me right now. Alli has a great little post about her boy and how she wants everyone to know how cool Fuller is. Well, Josiah oozes coolness. Everyone just loves my boy. He’s charming, gentle, funny, social, he loves the outdoors, he loves babies and older kids. And he gives great monkey embraces around your neck like those stuffed animals with velcro on their hands. I love seeing his lanky frame climb up ladders or run across large grassy places. I had a huge post about all my fears but this is something that I just have to keep to myself right now.
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I am not very worried. I am just feeling like a little bit of failure. I want my boy to grow and learn and it’s seems hard for him. He gets really tired and goofy.
I’ve thought about trying some sort of music class and seeing if he thrives with that. He sings so well, he’s dramatic when he sings. And when he had a chance to hold a little cello and play or toot in a clarinet he was thrilled. I also am swallowed up with fear of him not being “normal” or “accepted”. I have those in quotes because none of us really are either of those things 100%. I also am washed over with the weariness of home sales and moving, mortgages and money and under all that weight is a creative little girl wanting to squeak out some art here and there. Lord help me, I’m feeling rough.

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3 thoughts on “It’s a pity to be so blue

  1. Kate… I so understand being overwhelmed by a little one’s bad day… the guilt… the confusion and snappiness… ugh. I will say though that there is just no one like Jos… I have never met a kid so unique, so happy to boldly embrace their individually and tell you all about it! I cherish so many things about this boy… and the great thing is that he is who he is partly b/c of you, partly b/c of Joely and partly b/c of just him… but mostly because God made Josiah to be the incredible person he is. And when I read how you describe him all I hear is love.
    love you… didn’t mean to blather on and on… but i just love you and your little family

  2. Jennifer

    I am soooo glad to hear someone else going through the same things. Luke is the coolest kid in his daycare class, but he definitely has some anger management issues. He outlet of choice is to bite the other kids or at home, he throws things. It does make me feel like a failure, too. Although I know that I am not, it’s tough to overcome those feelings. Let me know if I can be of any help or even just a shoulder. Luke is 2 1/2 (you’re doing the bug for us) and I would also welcome a empathetic shoulder.

  3. Katie,
    You are probably already feeling better, as I’m reading this a week later than you posted it, but I’ve felt the same way with Dana over and over again. He really struggled this year in sunday school and vbs, and everything else that required him to follow along with a group. A lot of it is his personality, but mostly I think it was a developmental thing. People put way too much pressure on 4-year-olds, especially busy, bright ones who get excited about everything. It doesn’t excuse hitting or disobeying teachers, but Dana always did those things more when he felt cooped up and restless. So… maybe this doesn’t help much, but you’re not a failure. Anyone who spends any amount of time with Josiah has to know that he has two awesome parents. Dana adores him and although many of his peers don’t get Dana, Josiah does. I think they speak the same 4-year-old, excited about life language.

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