Sometimes the right chemicals are happening in my brain and I realize that I’m happy, and I feel good. It sometimes involves food, caffiene, adrenaline but not always. These past couple weeks after Christmas I have been wanting to shake off the temporary celebration and move onto the celebration that is life. That sounds way too sunny for some of you, maybe I’ve gotten more sun that some of you. My is it sunny today! 70 degrees! I have realized this Christmas that as much as I love wrapping gifts, opening them, sitting around eating rich food and drinking great drinks, I mostly like the norm. The norm is productive. The norm is my own room. The norm is my nuclear family. We need to get away sometimes but right now, the norm is what I want. And of course with that is the planning, the responsibility. I want this year to be about discipline. I can’t be a kid anymore, I am the adult. That sounds really nerdy doesn’t it. I look around the room today where my students sit and I feel awkward and I’m stumbling over words, but then I realize: I am the adult. And I am more confident than they are. I mean, I really am.
Because I am James Ward’s daughter I am a busy bee. I work alot and often. That’s not bad, I like that aspect of my connection with my father. I do know that I need some discipline to take care of my body. Every night I get into bed and my body is groaning. I need to stretch, I need to walk more. I’m not looking to be some hard body, but I need my muscles to support my work load. I’m lifting things and my back hurts at the end of the day. I am squatting and I hear my knees pop. Yuck! I need to build my muscles, to be a strong system. Buzzing like a bee doesn’t keep you in shape, discipline does.
I also want to be a disciple. Bucky talked about discipleship last night and I need to seek God more often. My solutions are not His solutions, more often than not. I want to learn and pray and seek. I want to be a leader that has wisdom as well as knowledge.
If these sound like resolutions they are. 2008 feels like a big year for me. I just feel it looming over me. I am kinda scared, but I also welcome the challenge. Lord, I bring my energy and buzzing busy-ness to you to use me for what YOU want. That’s what the resolution is, and that’s what’s so good. Working for a goal that uplifts the spirit and turns my heart outward toward the world not inward toward me.