I really need to take some more pictures! I’m recycling from last summer! But this picture really must be seen again, and again. My sweet, my dear, my 3 year old Eden. She’s been wearing me down these days. Not only do I have the patience of a fly, and grouchiness ta boot, but Eden is doing the whining game. Joel’s theory is that she’s gotten away with it for too long. Although my parents do not have a problem with how we discipline our children, we did live there for a 6 month stretch where we probably let Eden get her way. 6 months is too long to let things go. So now we’re paying for it. Anything she wants or needs is preceeded by a whine that either sounds like a wimpering puppy or a worbelling tea kettle whistle. Whew, my nerves are SHOT. But in all of this, I want to make clear the power of words. If I say things like “she’ll never” or “it’s just being 3 yrs old” or “she always” those things are more likely to take over my mind and my life. This is not just silly positive thinking, this is how faith takes over part of my parenting. I believe that my daughter needs to be trained, raised up, and in that I must use my words and say things that encourage her to change. Even if she doesn’t understand it at all, my words spoken over and over will encourage my spirit to be patient and my tongue to practice words filled with encouragement. Because she will be 14 some day and those words will be heard every….last….one. She is such a bright shining star in my life. A beautiful thing to see grow and learn. I can’t wait to have her to myself for a semester this fall, where we can have girl day everyday.
I also have had the unique experience of being fought over the past couple days. And no, it didn’t feel good. Being 12 weeks pregnant I’ve had to put some things in perspective for the upcoming school year. I had to say no to some things that I wished I could do. I was given the freedom to back out. Praise God for the understanding of fellow believers! But in that, feelings were hurt. And of no fault of my own, big emotional emails were being shot back and forth from various parties. And in it, I was discouraged, but I also had an unusual peace. A peace that I had done what was right and at the right time. I think the parties that vented, vented too soon and in the wrong direction. Venting while your in the shower, or taking a nice long evening walk is better. Yes, I vent to myself. But God gave me the grace to write a peaceful bridge building email that made me so thankful for His guidance. I could have been very hurt, or mad, but instead I was another person. And I’m proud of myself. I did go to bed with a headache, and tears are hard to push back these days, but it was not with any guilt. It’s just that joyful weariness of carrying a little peanut. Or as Josiah calls the baby, a little tree. I like that alot.
I got to see my little tree on Wednesday. The nerve wracking 12 week appointment where you are praying that the heartbeat is heard. They couldn’t find it, mine was dominating the doppler, and the doppler kept cutting off. Again, I tried to keep my cool. We had an ultrasound and to everyone’s glee (esp the tech in training) there was the babe, wrigglin’ their little nubbs around. My hearbeat was still very visible making the sides of my uterus pulsate, crazy! But there was the little tree, the branches weren’t that big yet. Just little wiggly nubbs. It was a great thing to see, I called Joel and said, “Nanny, nanny, I got to SEE the baby today!” Mmm, good times.