We have been talking about Ecclesiastes in our new awesome small group. It has been a breath of fresh air! Before you think, “Huh, Ecclesiasties? Refreshing?” I know, it has a lot of hopelessness in it, but it gives me a perspective that keeps my eyes looking upward. Today I walked Josiah to school (with Eden) and I prayed as I went to bed last night for God to heal my back. I’m not in constant pain or anything, I’m just so weary of feeling like I was put together like a marionette! My pelvis feels like an independant structure. It’s painful sometimes, sometimes I am scared that I will wipe out somewhere that won’t be so cool. Did I mention I tripped over a lamp cord in front of my entire Elementary art class a couple weeks back? Joel got me a prenatal massage for my birthday and I can’t wait to use it. I want to use it when I feel tired. Walking to school is the best time of day. It’s crisp, my body is rested, I love the short jaunt. If I could just bottle that feeling I’d be a powerhouse all day. I talk to Eden about the sky as we walk home. And I’m reminded of the phrase “under the sun” that is used over and over in Ecclesiates. Nothing is good under the sun. But above the sun, where our Lord symbolically dwells, things are not in vain. The truth, the decisions, the love, the hard work are not fruitless.
So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him? Ecc. 3:22
I do want to enjoy my work, even though this most recent painting is making me a bit frustrated. And I do love teaching even though I stick my foot in my mouth and I have to deal with upset parents. Thankfully, that does not happen often, and I have a good boss. But yesterday it did happen, and I also got evaluated by my boss which made me a little nervous. No wonder I was so pooped I fell asleep before the end of Heroes. Dern, it’s the only thing on TV I like (that Joel will watch with me). But I fell asleep snuggling with my husband. That’s good.
My boy Josiah is becoming a lover of writing and drawing. He truly feels empowered. I can’t say he loves school, but the fruit of his labor is showing. Being able to sit and enjoy a sunny afternoon during fall break and watch Josiah draw pictures of the family, pictures of superheroes and villians is just better entertainment than much out there. Maybe even than the actual Heroes TV show. Children hold that weight of simplicity and complexity that brings me to my knees again and again. I am reminded that God is watching my coming and going with the same loving gaze. And even if my artwork is meaningless, my work is not. Just like Josiah’s chalk drawings don’t last very long, but the progress is so heart warming and important.
So even though my back is already sore and tight at 9:30am, I am full of gratitude for another day that might be just comings and goings, but these days are for enjoying and remembering that what is above the sun is our reward. My new friend Sarah (who gave me the nest necklace) said she saw a painting when I was talking about this stuff. We’ll see, falling asleep on the couch at 9:30pm is no recipe for productivity. God’s grace gives me strength to work.