I wanted to share our cheese-ball picture from INHABIT this past Saturday. At 1am, I think we’re still holding on to a shred of creative goofball qualities. I hate showing all my teeth, but for this a gave it a good fat grin. Fake books, love it. I can’t understand why they put the faux chair in front of me though, isn’t a shiny, teal, 9 month pregnant belly worth a good shot?
Anyway, I’m sure you know that I’m feeling in limbo these days. I am one of the last ones standing in the pregnancy department. Both my friends Mandi and Michelle had their babies today. I have to say I don’t feel ready! I have heartburn every night, and I spontaneously fall asleep everyday, but I just don’t feel prepared. Our infant seat is still up in the attic. Our cradle is still full of stuffed animals at Mom’s house. I have onesies and socks to buy. Winter babies, geez. I did this before why am I so nervous now? I feel guilty that I don’t have time to think about Tessa, I just go from day to day taking care of everything I can. She reminds me she’s there though! And I have a feeling she will everyday of her life.
I officially get maternity leave after Monday the 15th. I’m prepping Kelly Wilkes to take on teaching at HHL for me. I am so glad to have her doing this!
Today I dropped off Eden at pre-K and went to the midwife appt. Same old thang. Except two lbs heavier. Weight gain has not made me depressed at all this time. I sat a little longer than usual waiting for Laure, she had another mom in labor. Labor, ugh, I’m not ready! I look at all the posters on the wall of the exam room: The “joys” of late pregnancy, the true stories of breast-feeding, Life with baby, oh and of course the HPV poster-YUM. I just wanted to get it over with. Two and a half dialated, 50% effaced and Tessa likes to wriggle onto her back for Laure, making me nervous that I will experience back labor this go around.
I want to drown my limbo-ness in a visit to the thrift store and my favorite foods, but alas the heartburn. Better not have 4 clementines! I did find a cute pair of Rocket Dog skimmers at America’s Thrift, but not much else. There was another mom looking through the infant girl clothes and she told me she was getting induced on Monday. She had two young boys with her, and another woman. It made me snap out of it for a minute. I have two Rubbermaids full of girl clothes. Wrong season, but they’re available. I took the three little things I found and then left the section thinking that if there was anything actually worth buying she needed it more than me. Warped sense of charity maybe, but it felt better. And I picked Eden up on time.
It’s time for me to get my ducks in a row. Talk to Mom, get Joel to transport necessary baby objects from hidey holes to places they can be used. Figure out how we will arrange the three kids seats in the Prev. Start making a list for what I want to bring to the hospital. Hospital, Ugh.
God is so good to me. It’s been another easy, healthy, pregnancy. Why don’t I have 7 kids by now? Nevermind, I know why. But I am so grateful, and I am so happy I’m having this baby girl. I can’t wait to meet her and be done with the huge-ness, the waiting, the busy-ness of life and just get to know Tessa. All of us together. To sit, rest, stare at her face, nurse, sleep on my stomach, sleep with her. Have every reason in the world to not do a thing. Thank you Tessa, for helping me slow down.


One thought on “Limbo

  1. Emma

    Wonderful blog Katie. I feel like you’re writing for me. I keep trying to think of something encouraging to say, People keep telling me, “hang in there, it’s worth it.” and intellectually I know that, but somehow it’s not comforting, I just want to meet my little girl. I have so many questions. 🙂 We really do need to plan a reunion. Our little girls should have a chance to meet.

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