It’s been one week with our new little one here at home with us. We are very thankful for such a happy healthy baby. Tessa is nursing well, gaining weight, she’s not too orange and she lets me sleep alright. Although, I am realizing that I do need sleep a little more than I thought. Ha.
After the trying ordeal of hemmoraging, it’s hard to shake it from my mind. I do not live in fear, but it makes recovery a little more about recovering and less about testing my boundries. Joel has been amazing. Amazing y’all. I know my husband is great and we’ve had a pretty sweet road so far, God is so good. Joel truly has taken care of me. He’s listened to me cry and laugh, he’s brought me my meals, gotten all the pillows, sweaters, pain pills that I need. He’s changed diapers and done more bouncing than expected. I did not make him buy my maxi pads, that would be a mighty feat since I can barely figure out which ones I want. I love my husband, he’s an awesome dad and he has been waiting for Tessa for a long time I think, not just the 9 months. I don’t think tomorrow will be easy for him going back to work. I saw it on his face today, he’ll miss us.
It’ll be a good day, a day of facing change. A day where I will shake off the over soaked emotion of post partum and do something to enter the world again. Tessa makes me want to stay in the four walls and just rest. Quiet. Still. I can’t look at calendars, or clocks. I just want to BE. I think God meant for new mothers to be like this.
I do wish that I had gotten my hair cut before Tessa arrived. And I am still waiting for my “labor face” to go away. Does that have a name? The little rosy blood vessels in my cheeks that broke are now small bruises changed to dark tired circles. I get a cheap thrill out of stepping on the scale and seeing weight come off that is purely the fluid of pregnancy evaporating. Someday it’ll grind to a nice post-pregnancy hault and then it won’t be so fun. But 20 lbs since labor day is a pretty nice result. 9lbs if it, baby Tessa.
So pray for me as I enter the world again, I feel a bit like a hibernating bear. Especially with these dark, windy, rainy days. I long to have play days with my big kids again. It makes me hurt when I have to wait and wait. But then I hold my Tessa and remember I named her Patience. So waiting I will do, and joy I will hold onto, and I’ll keep these times treasured so when others have new babies, I’ll fill their lives with the blessings of food, and time and understanding just as many of you have done for me this past week. And soon I will be strolling down Main Street with my two girls, going to pick up my Josiah from school. Patience to heal, and patience for my new normal.