tussle, originally uploaded by katiek2.

A well deserved vacation woke me up to some well deserved punishment. I have been living in denial this summer and I am realizing my faults again, way too late. We come home to find that we spent too much money. Scratch that, I spent too much money. I hate it, I’m ashamed of myself. But, all that to say, that we are changing the way will live, we just haven’t implemented a back up plan when this stuff happens. We don’t have a credit card anymore. When these things happened before we just used the Visa. Now, it’s just cash. So now that the cash is running out we buckle down, go on a spending freeze. At least until the next paychecks. I’m ashamed of myself! I tell myself I can’t believe I want to write this down, but the thing is, haven’t we all been there in one way or another? Even if it hasn’t been with money, haven’t we all had a time where we did too much to indulge ourselves only to find it was the wrong timing, the wrong thing? I was in vacation mode, and I didn’t think about what was waiting at home for me. A mailbox full of bills. Here it is the beginning of the school year, and I have to get my son shoes, and a lunchbox and school supplies. I have to order supplies for my students (and get reimbursed) but I don’t have anything to reimburse right now. Lord, you’re going to have to show me how to trust you more. And Lord, you’re going to have to tell me how to proceed so this never happens again. Money comes and goes, stuff happens, cars break, dryers start thunking (that’s another blog post), but I still have to learn how to trust God and know that He is taking care of us. It’s a bitter pill.
I am glad for school starting and with that I get a paycheck, but man, God has given us so much. Why can’t I learn from Proverbs 31? This is where I don’t feel like a grown-up at all. So when I want things to work out instantly I just tell myself to stop and wait and be at peace. It won’t help for me to flip out. I wrote the tithe check. I’m sorry Lord that I used your money for what I want rather than stop and listen to you. So I pray that I will trust in His strength in my weakness and know that He’s delivered us from many things. I’m bruised and it’ll be a tough few weeks, but I hope to be sharper, wiser and more ready for the things God has planned for me.


3 thoughts on “tussle

  1. Mim

    Being a grown-up is tough and I still haven’t gotten the hang of it yet- most haven’t. You are headed in the right direction because you have let the credit cards go! God will provide. Everything will be okay. Maybe it won’t be everything you want but He will provide for all your needs.

    ((hugs)) and prayers

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