school has changed my life

sculpture, originally uploaded by katiek2.

And I think I’m better for it. When I was at home with my two big kids, no plans, no worries, it felt so natural. I decided when we read, ate, slept, played, went out, made art projects etc. And I guess there is still a small remanent of that as I still have my two girls with me, although Eden will be gone before I know it. She will love love school.
I often think about homeschooling, and that it may be the same as when we were just at home with no schedule but mine. Then I remember that they don’t stop growing, changing, learning, and demanding knowledge that challenges them every last moment. And I have taken the extra step of deciding to be an educator of home schooled students. So I feel I have a multi-faceted understanding of homeschooling.
Josiah is not a normal student. I am becoming used to comments, tough marks, parent teacher conference awkwardness. Some days I am a bundle of stress and sadness about it. Other days I realize that my boy will learn and grow the way God made him, and ultimately, his teacher, although she has to inform me of everything, knows that too. She might be forced to put Jos in a box and grade him and present his Dibble score (whatever that is), but she knows that most kids will get it when they get it. My heart hurts to think that Josiah feels like a failure just because he comes home with a bad mark. Each period that we go through a rough patch, I am able to tap into a little more peace about it. I know I did the right thing putting him in school. I would have never realized that Josiah wasn’t getting it at the pace he needed to. And he is an awesome reader, he is so talented!
I had a really rough class yesterday with my middle schoolers. Volume was way loud. I was openly disrepected twice. The chatty chats raised my blood pressure. Keeping my cool was only by the grace of God. I am consistant and I hoped these students would remember this. I had to send someone out to the hallway. I hope my students realize that I love them and that’s why I consistantly ask for respect. I expect them to work, to be kind, to not shout, to not use their cell phones or eat in my class.
School has changed me. I am a parent who has to deal with parenting along with awkward teacher comments and evaluate what move to make next. I am also a teacher, who had to send out those awkward comments yesterday. I knew as I wrote the email that each one of these parents would be glad to hear this ‘from the horses mouth’ instead of just getting info from their 12 year old. It is a burden to take on the risk of being hurt or hurting others with those comments. And I act out of instinct and then I evaluate whether my decision is wise. I know I have placed blame on Josiah’s teacher when it really isn’t her fault just because I am hurting and confused.
I want to pray for my class and see God change it. Being a 5th-7th grader can be so hard, but it also can be joyful, exploratory, full of energy and excitement! I am proud to be a part of how these young people see the world. I want them to see God’s fingerprints on everything, and know that they carry His image and to create with pride the things that they love. And I want them to realize that they are a team, the Body of Christ, and if they can figure it out in art class they’re off to a good start.
My Josiah, he brings me such joy, and I make it sound like he’s constantly in trouble. No, he’s not. He does not get in trouble for disrespect and for that I swell with pride. He loves his teachers, his fellow students, his sisters and his parents. He’s a wiggling, socializing, messy little boy. Making sure his J’s aren’t backwards is a welcomed task when his love is so evident. I thank God for him everyday. And I get Joel to help him with his math.


2 thoughts on “school has changed my life

  1. How old is he? This seems like an awful lot of pressure from school at such a young age. This is my 20th year of teaching. I started with primary aged kids before I moved into my current position of gifted support. Little ones do learn at their own pace. It takes some longer to get it and while some get the school stuff- they lack the motor skills or maturity. All kids have their strengths and weaknesses and it’s not until they are a little older that those weaknesses need to be looked at and worked on.

    Good luck. ((hugs))

    1. Josiah’s 7. And right now we’re working through being completely disinterested in math and the fine motors to get handwriting legible and drawings descriptive. So it definately could be so much worse. But some days it just seems hard.
      Thanks for your support loving feedback Mim. It’s always good to hear!

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