in sickness

Cold and flu season. Season. I’m done with this being vague like a season, I want it to be defined by time, nice, tidy, measurable time. There have been whole families wiped out by the flu, not us. We’ve had kinda a fun adventure with different symptoms. A little bit of fever there, a little bit of coughing here. Not enough to stop us cold, but enough to make the last few weeks really annoying. Phone calls from the school, yo-yoing temps, headaches, waking up on the hour, no appetites. I went to Target and filled my cart with fever reducers and cough drops just in time to get that call from the school about another fever.

When your kid is sick you just want to take it from them. “I’d rather it be me” you might say. Then it did. But of course, it wasn’t it the typical ‘seasonal’ way. I got a cold and that was fine, by Thursday I was getting ready for Josiah’s ninja birthday party and it was gonna be great. Thursday evening, my ear plugged up and I was feeling pretty grouchy. By the time the kids were in bed I was hurting. I was hating life, going through the motions, wondering why Joel wasn’t helping me. I mean I was putting hot packs on my ear every ten minutes and I was groaning. By the time 11:30 hit and I was making lunches, Joel was crashed on the couch and I was crying as I got out the peanut butter. Couldn’t HE make a peanut butter sandwich! Jeez! I freaked out at him when he woke up from his couch melding stooper. He was apologetic. We started to go to bed and around 12:30 I was hurting bad, I started doing the breathing I knew from childbirth, it hurt that bad. Then pop, it was over. Busted eardrum. We deduced that it wasn’t worth going to the ER. So I had a lovely night of listening to fluid leave my ear. It was really loud.

I got “treated”, got my antibiotics and a loopty-loo pain reliever. While I snoozed on the couch, Joel slept upstairs since he had just discovered he had a fever. No wonder he was so delirious the night before. The antibiotic gave me tummy trouble for a few days. A few months back I went to the dentist and they told me I grind my teeth. With the extra discomfort of a leaky ear, a night of sleep has had the added perk of a sore jaw.

I hate taking drugs. I hate it even more when those drugs make me sick in a different way. I hate reading the information and nebulous outcome of these things I’m suffering with. And it’s not like I can stop and just take a sick day. I also hate being a complainer.

What kept going through my head was the verse:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

I also have just read a message from Francis Frangipane that my buddy Jennifer posted on facebook. Oh so good. Mostly because it has those gems that are in the Bible, the ones we’ve heard so much but they apply people!! The Bible actually makes perfect sense. The red laser pointer of the word of God goes searching and finds what I need. Here’s some more sweet morsels:

“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself ” (Matt. 6:33-34)

“God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God” (Rom. 8:28)

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,  But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

(Prov. 13:12).

“Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.”Psalm 37:4

I know I believe these things, they are tucked away in my heart for times like these where I am not sure I can function without some immediate joyful thing around the corner. I have found that it’s not enough. I need that source, that Father’s heart love and that joy that only comes from praise and worship. There are small things that satisfy me. Tessa’s silly faces, Eden’s desire to learn, Josiah’s amazing personality. The fulfillment in caring for my family. The true love of my husband. The joy in making, creating, sharing and giving. But worship, I miss singing. I want to sing LOUD in a worship service. I haven’t been somewhere like that on a week to week basis in, like, years. Maybe even 10 years.

So I go to the ear-nose-throat doc tomorrow. I hope to have nothing new to put on my “woe-is-me” list. I hope I can also talk to the doc about my sore jaw.  But what I want more than anything is to go to those places that really need attention. And declare that today is a day to praise God. My heart will feel His love and be glad.


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