Rewards

This week has been tough. Josiah and I have been a little under the weather. I am beginning to have those sneaky feelings about the quality of what I am doing. Are my kids learning enough? Are they learning at all? Are we going to fall behind? Then, I ask myself the realistic question: What can I really do? In fact, I am homeschooling because I was concerned about their learning. What I am doing, really, is our best option.
This week I felt underwater. After two days of co-ops, I finished Tuesday with a head cold raging. I have only made it through these past two days by the grace of God. And things get left out. That is ok. Totally ok. Today, I was having a particular moment of frustration, and I let my kids have it. I bullied them with my words. I am not proud. And when they were sitting and quiet I ate some serious crow and gave love out to each of them. May God continue to dump grace on us as we get through our day to day sin and depravity. Josiah said,”Mama, you should eat your lunch”. He was right. I sat and ate my lunch. I let Tessa hang out on the potty waiting for a wipe while I finished my sandwich. Her 3 and half year old patience overwhelmes me sometimes.
Josiah had two writing assignments he had to work on today. It takes him a long time some days. The first assignment still is unfinished and our record of homework free days is over. He’ll have to work over the weekend to get it done. The other assignment was a 3 paragraph essay about a person he admired. After all the high stress moments these past two days, he was so syrupy sweet as to choose me as the person he would write about. I felt the love, but I also thought he was buttering me up a bit. As I gave Eden her spelling test, and listened to her read poetry I looked up every once and a while to see him day-dreaming, “Keep working, focus!” I reminded him.
He leapt up saying “I’m done!” and I restrained myself from looking at it right away to see all the grammar and spelling errors. Later, as they were working on an art project, I opened his binder and checked it out. I found the sweetest bit of prose. By the time I got to the third paragraph my jaw dropped and I felt what only could be the Holy Spirit reminding me that these days belong to the Lord, and more importantly, my children belong to Him.
Josiah is my eldest child, I struggle the most with his education, his skills, what his future might be. But his mind, his heart, his unstoppable spirit amazes me! These homschooling days constantly remind me of his amazing character. I did nothing to make him this way.

‘She is important because God gave her to me’
‘She is important because she knows that I am’

I mean, thank you Lord. What an amazing gift.
I think we’re doing great.

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