Most nights I am home. I am doing dishes, cleaning house, doing laundry. Joel and I put the kids to bed, give hugs and kisses and then we exhale and, hopefully, I get to sit on the couch and watch something fun on TV before I fall asleep. Joel usually falls asleep half an hour or more before I do. Most nights, it’s totally relaxing. It’s normal and it decompresses my day. But then, my extroverted side gets board some days.
Since I homeschool my kids now, seeing other adults can be a challenge. At work, we are all busy managing other children. Other homeschooling moms have all their own schedules and older or younger children to manage. I mean, really, all moms, no matter how we school our children, we are all busy. Soccer, drama, choir, girl scouts, doctor’s appointments, naps, church, family. It’s exhausting. I have made a personal choice to limit those things. I also have very little family in town. I get lonely. Are you lonely too? I see my mom twice a week. I am fulfilled by my job. But I get lonely. There’s something wrong when I have so many women whom I love to be with, and I’m pretty confident that they like to be with me too. Why don’t we see each other? Why aren’t we desperate to be with our friends? I run through all the things that we are in charge of and the many different things we go to, and I’m not surprised. It doesn’t help the fact that I’m lonely sometimes.
I have been saying that I need to “be the friend I want to have”. This method should bring friends closer to me, or help me make new ones. Right? This motto backed up on me last week. I was letting the loneliness take over my will to reach out. I became tired of reaching out. I mean, why isn’t anyone else reaching out? There are many reasons and it would make this post too long. But nevertheless, I must keep reaching out. Someone has to do it. Everyone needs that life line to make you realize, “Yes, I am lonely, and I will battle my dirty house another time. I will drink some tea and wake myself up so I can spend another 2 hours awake and with friends. I will gamble with my awkwardness, my blabber-mouth (or painful silence), my inadequacies to be with people. To be with people that I love and that God loves. It is important. Stop being selfish y’all! It is so easy to do the normal stuff, do something different!
I believe that God gave us our mountain home so that we can have people over more. I take that to heart. I will invite people over, again and again. Every time I feel lonely I will decide to reach out. It’s really hard. But there are plenty of evenings when I can curl up and troll Pinterest or read one of my goofy graphic novels. Netflix will not disappear. I have lots of cute clothes I hardly ever wear because I don’t GO OUT! Let’s go out, friends. Let’s invite others out. Send me a text, I’m probably, almost always, available.