Endurance

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I am bored. I want so badly to have a conversation that doesn’t involve the well being of children and their thoughts. I want to be involved in a conversation that is about something else. Anything else. NPR doesn’t talk back, it just tells me bad news. Movies and TV are fiction. Text messages are vague and interrupt my rhythm. I want to talk to adults. 

I have a lot to do. I teach all day Monday. I have to be ready to do that which means “mom teacher” hat goes off and “art teacher” hat gets put on. And that happens only when my children have their school work done. That is Friday, when everyone is looking forward to the weekend, I get to do my other job. I have signed up to teach another class on Fridays. It is good. We need the money. I work from the moment I wake up until late skimming materials, packing bags, hole-punching things.

Maintain. Be on time. Prepare food. Buy food. Clean up after. Clean clothes. Fold clothes. Instruct children. Organize children’s books and work. Direct children to help with food, clothes, cleaning up after. Try not to get impatient. Stay composed.

Keep breathing. There are fires to put out. There are fears and anxieties. Breathe in, breathe out. One foot in front of the other. Do not worry about tomorrow, today has enough trouble of it’s own. Be prepared to have everything stop, or go in reverse, or explode. Take in those moments when things are so good. Peace, calm, laughter, breakthrough, prayer. God times. Instagram it. 

Hope for the future. Things change. These children will grow. They will be gone. My time with the hustle-bustle will be over soon. It will be too quiet. The world is full of trouble. Violence, disease, war, hate. I feel the weight. Lord, we need you. He will come and make things new. I will reach out for opportunities and they will reach back. I will hold my husbands hand, and we will walk together. New places, new adventures.

New mercies every morning. Sunshine. Children’s faces, freckled and smooth. Hugs. Coffee. Morning. Strong body to do the work. Sharp eyes to see what is ahead. Love from those at arms reach, and beyond. They reach back. Anxieties disappear.

Run the race. Is my race important? What good am I doing, this Hermit of a Homeschooling Housewife? There is more I want. I want more than to live for the responsibility. I want to live to see joy never-ceasing. I want to run for expectation. Lord, make my heart expect great things.

Be thankful. Always something. Thank you, Lord, for the computer and wi-fi so I can get my blog-therapy.

I am blessed. So very, very, much. Time to shut up and rest in the blessing. 

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