A bad reason for a haircut


This past week I have been facing one of my biggest fears. I hate that I even have a biggest fear, but I do dread this and it has happened. Josiah came home with head lice. Ewwwww. But once it’s there, in your face (well thankfully not actually in my face) you have to stare your fear down. So what am I made of that I can face this fear. I am not made of much. I crumple, fade, whimper, writhe under the pressure of the fear. But just like labor when you are afraid of pain and discomfort you still have to deal with it. There is still a process. And just like they say in Dune: Fear is the mind killer. So after I felt my heart sink in my stomach, I thanked God that it was almost 4:30 and Joel would be off work really soon. I called him and we got to work. And I’ve been working for 5 days straight. Cleaning Josiah, washing clothes, vacuuming floors, bagging things, researching and praying. I have spoken blessings over Josiah’s head so many times these past five days he should be glowing with the glory. I have done this to combat the desire to worry and express the anxiety of my heart. I have prayed for wisdom with each choice I’ve made. Panic does not help a baby be born, and panic does not make head lice die. So I have picked myself up and denied the anxious feelings and just told myself, “don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own”. So as I type my children soundly sleep, my belly is full, my dishes are clean, my artwork is plugging right along. And I believe we have conquered the pestilence. My faith keeps me confident. My anxiety is exaggerated as I get tired, and as I did my nightly duties tonight I was about to lose it. I didn’t want to lose it on Joel, I didn’t want to lose it on my kids. Cuz honestly folks, IT DOESN’T WORK! Joel doesn’t cater to my crazy, and my kids are not more obedient when I am overly emotional. So as I brushed Eden’s hair with that pit of sickness in my stomach waiting to find that the Enemy had won, I began to praise. Because I had no other avenue to go down. I was at the end of all strength, and I was crumpling. My kids had seen me cry too much the past few days, and I was just so frustrated that the crying and worrying was NOT helping. So I started proclaiming who God is. That He is what I need. That He is the King of the universe, He is the foundation, He’s my rock. He is the Reason that I am who I am. He gave me these children, He gave me gifts and blessings, and I deserve these blessings because I am His daughter, His child. He will love me and take care of everything, all the time! I never have to worry, because He knows how to take care of me. Where I fail, He does not! And while I was praising that sickness went away. And even better my kids started echoing my praises! We were having church right there in the bathroom with the bubblegum flavored toothpaste. Eden was clean. I loved on my kiddos. Put more laundry in, folded the stuff from yesterday, and came downstairs. Now, I know this stress won’t last forever even though it feels like forever. God does care about the little things I care about. And when I pray, “Lord, I really need to find my car keys” and then I find them, “Thank you Jesus!”. I can’t say that this is always my first reaction. This situation sucks. Real bad. I have to fight hard to not want to run out the door and find the first substance to self-medicate my stress, but tonight I could think of nothing else. I listened to Patricia King on Sunday night. Picked this completely random message. I just needed to fill my ears with something besides football color men and hyper kiddos. This message spoke directly to my need. It reminded me of what I truly need. And me+God will be everything I need. Everything will be alright.

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